Saturday, March 31, 2012
I have signed up with the micro-blogging site tumblr to produce China based blogs when I'm away. Don't panic though, as my commitment to wallofblog remains at 100%. I don't use facebook or any other social network (twitter doesn't count) and I want somewhere that I can post pictures and stories so as my parents and relations can see them. I don't feel wallofblog is a suitable platform for this as its basically an extended mental break down or a pythonesque, Jon Ronson style, Adam and Joe infused look at the world with a hint of Patrick McCabe, a touch of Lee and Herring and a splash of Chris Morris that ultimate transcends its influences to create a breathe of fresh air in the blogging community. You decided, leave me out of it. Either way, it would ultimately confuse, embarrass and shame my parents.
So the new blog (links will go live later today) will be a semi-regular, brief, pithy and mainly photographic look at my life beyont. There may be some over lap between it and wallofblog, but rest assured wallofblog will receive the "extended edition". I mean that in a good way. The extended edition of a movie is always worse. Why, if you can tell a story in 90 minutes, do you need a 240 minute edition?
Other New Blog Alert.
Long time readers way be aware that I tried, and ultimately failed, to blog my exploits last time I was beyont. I will be re-launching this blog also, under a new name. I am mainly doing it for the new name. You may also remember it used Wordpress, as opposed to blogspot, and this is important to me as Wordpress is the only blogging client not block by the Chinese government. I will still be able to use blogspot though (I know a guy) but I want this Wordpress blog in place as a contingency. I don't know if I will ever use it. I may use to write longer more serious pieces that I will then submitted to the Irish times "Generation Emmigration" section. Although have you ever read any of those articles? I hate all the people in them. They are always about young families that move to Austrailia and wear flip flops or business graduates in Dubai who are making a fucking fortune. I can't put my finger on it but they make me mad.
Anyway, the new blogs should go live later today. I will stick a blog roll on here (a blog roll is a blogging term for a list of links on the side of a page) and keep an eye on them over the coming weeks and months.
I will also still be doing wallofblog daily. Keep it wob.
Friday, March 30, 2012
I obviously never gave them back. They have become my favourite socks...although they have seen better days.
"Threadbare" My Mam calls them
These socks have been in England, Switzerland, France, Germany, China and America.
I'm currently packing for my trip on Sunday.....first thing in the bag.....
Thursday, March 29, 2012
How to cook a perfect Roast dinner.
Taken and modified from “Jamie’s Ministry of food”
You’re looking at about 2 and half hours from start to table.
One of the following:
Pork Roast/Leg of lamb/Whole Chicken/Topside of Beef
2 sticks of Celery
3 bulbs of garlic
Rosemary and Sage and Thyme. Fresh if possible but dried will do. Don’t skip on the herbs, they may seem a bit flashy, but fuck it, you deserve it.
Spuds (Rosters or pinks)
Loads of olive oil
Flour and chicken stock (For Gravy)
Red wine. Buy one of those small bottles if you don’t like red wine. It is ESSENTIAL.
Peel the required amount of spuds carrots and parsnips. Place in pots and cover with water and a sprinkle of salt. (This maybe done the night before) Hold back 2 carrots.
Take the meat out of the fridge.
Get a roasting tray. Chop the 2 carrots and celery. (don’t bother peeling them. Waste of time.) Peel and half the two onions. Break one bulb of garlic up into cloves and place all in roasting tray. Throw in some salt and pepper and a bit of each of the herbs. You’re not going to eat this. The meat will sit on it when cooking and it’s used for gravy. For now leave the meat and this tray sitting side by side.
Stick the oven on gas mark nine.
Stick the heat on under the pots of veg. Once they start boiling, they will need about ten minutes, or until they are just about the fall apart. You can boil the shite out of the carrots though. Be careful if you have loads of supds as they will fall apart, especially the ones at the bottom. You might want to split them between 2 pots if you have loads. Same with parsnips. When done leave them in the colander to dry, no panic.
I like to give meat about an hour and a half and 20-25 minutes to settle before carving, so I stick it in the oven at 10:50. Give pork an extra 10 minutes. If you are doing chicken stick a lemon in the cavity, jutting out. This means the air inside the chicken heats up, cant escape, and part cooks the chicken from the inside out (meaning you don’t need to leave it until its dry and horrible to ensure its cooked through) Before putting your meat in the oven, cover it in olive oil and loads of salt and pepper. Sit it on your veg and put it in, as close to the top as possible.
Turn the heat down to six.
I use two ovens and two roasting trays when doing my veg. If you don’t need to cook as much food just use one tray and stick it in the oven with the meat.
This is how you do perfect roast veg.
Preheat your second oven.
Put out your two trays. Pour in a layer of olive oil so the base of the trays are cover. Take the other 2 bulbs of garlic. Break into cloves. With the back of a big knife crush each clove slightly. Divide evenly between the trays. Divide the rest of your herbs between the two trays. Salt and pepper. In your tray you’ve got olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic and a mix of herbs. I like to get the veg on about half an hour after the meat. Before this, put the trays in the oven for a few minutes until the oil gets hot. Cut any massive parsnips or spuds in half down the middle. Evenly lay the spuds out in one tray. They must NOT be layered. If you have too many, it doesn’t matter, don’t put them in the tray it will ruin everything. Give your tray a few tosses another splash of olive oil and salt and pepper. Put it in the oven on the shelf below the meat. Do the same with the second tray and the carrots and parsnips. Bang it in the top oven. If you only have a small amount of veg or just one oven, they can all go in the one tray as long as they are not layered.
Meat is in at 10.50
Veg in at 11.20
At half 11, take the meat out and give it another covering of olive oil. Tip a small glass of water in around the veg it’s sitting on.
At 12 take out the veg and turn them.
At 12.15 or 12:20 take your meat out. If its done how you want it, place on a tray. Cover in Tin foil and a couple of tea towels.
Place your spuds on the top shelf of the oven and turn the heat up to nine. If you have veg in the top oven move them to the middle of the bottom oven
Boil the kettle and dissolve 2 chicken stock cubes in 500ml of water.
GRAVY. Put the tray that the meat roasted in and its contents over a low heat. Throw in a big table spoon of flour. Stir it up. Put in your chicken stock. Stir it up. Throw in half a glass of wine. While still over the heat, mash the fuck out of this with a spud masher. All those all those roasted veg and herbs along with the meat juices and fats and the wine and stock. Mash, mash, mash. Strain this whole mixture through a big sieve into a pot. AMAZING GRAVY.
It should be around half 12 now. I’d give the veg another 15 minutes and after that it’s at your discretion.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I walked down to the river in the sunshine and talked to the swans. I headed over to the lake where I spent many summers as a child and sat on the pier looking out at the deadly still water reflecting the cloudless blue sky.
I then wandered off the path to get to my old fishing spot where I have spent countless evenings with my dad, repeatedly casting, but never catching anything! I hopped a gate and walked close to the lake shore. I had to cross a fence that jutted out slightly into the water to get where I was going. Studying my environment, I figured I would climb up a tree on one side of the fence and jump down the other side. I climbed the tree, and as I got up to the right height, I realised it was too high to jump down. Giving up, I began my descent but slipped and fell out of the tree, down onto rocks. I landed hard on my elbow and lost all feeling in my arm. I couldn't move any of my fingers as the blood gushed out. I stood up and was incredible dizzy, and, as my environment spun,I got a feeling in my stomach and without knowing what was going on, I vomited on myself and on the ground. A voice in my head said "Come on Andrew, don't pass out" In that instant, everything was over. I thought my arm was broken. I wasn't going to China. I was going to have to explain to people I couldn't go to China because I broke my arm climbing a tree. A 26 year old man. I was going to have to explain that to my parents.
Luckily, within about a minute, the feeling returned to my arm, and, one by one, to my fingers. Although bruised, cut and swollen there is no long term damage to my arm, side and thigh.
I was pretty fucking lucky.
The moral of the story is "Adults, Don't climb tress!"
It's also damaging to my pride. 15 or 16 years ago, my younger cousin told me that I was "the best tree climber in mountnugent"
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Inspired by old Irish legends, I invented a game to play when out for a run.
1. Get a load of spit in your mouth.
2. Fire it as high and as far into the air as possible.
3. Run on and try to get your spit to land on your face.
Don't speed up before you fire. Even the slightest hint of acceleration will project the spit beyond your reach.
Bonus points if it lands back in your mouth.
It is awesome and disgusting.
This is the kind of shit I do now. I'm going away so I don't care about anything. I had 3 fudge bars today. FOR BREAKFAST! FUDGE BARS! FOR BREAKFAST! I'm going off the rails.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
That's not really a wasted youth is it? That's the opposite of a wasted youth.
I have pictorial evidence of my own wasted youth right here
My fucking DVD collection. What a massive waste of time and money. There is thousands of euro worth of shite in these boxes. I should have been out talking to girls. I should have been spending that money on learning to drive. I should have been exercising. But no, I was watching movies. I like movies, but most movies aren't good.
Lets have a look at what's in these boxes.
Speaking of over paying
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Friday 12th of March 1999
Today was ok. Went to school. Had a French test in it. Done Shite. In English we prayed. Art was no good, had a test in science I did ok. English was good fun sat beside Daniel on the bus. Had chips and sausages for dinner jim came home. Taped star wars trailer. Saw the Simpsons it was very very good. I played handball with myself saw comic relief.
Today was alright got up and went to cavan. I got a parker pen. We got mammy a watch and a pig teddy. Went to the Melbourne bakery. Had sausages and rashers. Went into dunnes. Got a Simpsons guide in the blue book shop. Went into Jims pub. Had no dinner. Saw Mr plow Simpsons. Mark was down saw don’t try this at home, had Chinese for tea. Mammy and Daddy went out for tea. Newcastle Lost.
Today was alright. I made breakfast for mammy and daddy. Daddy didn’t get up so I ate it. Went to mass saw Simpsons had a horrible dinner. Done homework watched face off. It was class. Cavan won I didn’t go to the match. Went for a drive got chewing gum and a milky bar. Went to the grave yards. Played James bond with myself. Mammy liked her presents, had no tea just buns. Jim went home mark was down saw two Simpsons
Today was grand. Played handball before school. Won. Art was shite woodwork was ok. Went to the libeary in Irish got book on tall ships. Hurt my fingers playing handball. PE was class had fried chicken for dinnear. Got a pencil and ruler, played handball with myself. Saw neighbours and the Simpsons. Listened to meatloaf. Had a nice tea got fruit pastils. Saw Mrs Merton
Today was grand didn’t play handball today. Woodwork was ok finished diber. Hockey was ok hurt my finger really bad. Had a bag of chips and some pops and no metal work. Had stew for dinner. Went to bridgets and played with david and johnnatann.play football and rugby. Had coke and a kit kat had bread and tea. Saw who wants to be a millionare and had fruit pastiles. Francis Rang no school tomorrow.
(No School St Patricks day) To-day was no good, got up at nine o clock. Had an egg in toast for tea. It was nice went to mass. I finished reading Jurassic park. Had chicken stuffing spuds and gravey. Started reading the lost world. Went to parade in Ballyjamesduff. It was shite had a cornet and some lucozade. Went to oldcastle got chips and a burger. Saw buffy and cornation street and south park was class
Today was ok. Science was really really really bad. In metal work I finished the screw. I started the spanner. Maths was no good. Had chips and a burger sat beside micky on the bus. Had voluvonts for dinner. Didnt play handball with myself. Saw grange hill neighbours and friends. Kathleen was here. Francis rang had three buns and a cup of tea. Saw top gear it was class. Saw red dwarf. Conformation tomorrow
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Friday March 5th 1999
Today was good, got up at 10:30. Saw tellytubies. We got are new car. It is class. Electric windows and cool radio. It is a honda civic 94-cn-532. It is red went to oldcastle got chewing gum and lucozade. Had pasta for dinnear. Went up to sean and kevins went up the tree house and played football with kevin. Monica is hear. Got a curry, Breada gave me liar liar. Went to the frolics. It is good. Saw micky and Padraic. Went to kathleens house after.
Saturday March 6th
Today was no good. Got up at half nine and watched liar liar. It is very funny. Had a cup of tea mammy got me lucazade in the town. Watched a cowboy film pauline was here.Went to virginia got grapes and fanta and hubba bubba. Had cocktail sausages saw some of dont try this at home.Went to oldcastle got hubba bubba rented GODZILLA. godzilla is no good. monica was here
Today was ok. Got up at half nine had a bath.Wore my jeans and jims jumper. Had a cup of tea and bread. Watched Godzilla went to mass. Seen simpsons and robot wars. Had lovely dinner it was very nice. Watched the end of godzilla went for a drive. Went to the graveyard got sweets and a drink. Went to mountnugent game. They lost. had lovely tea. Saw mr bean cornation street the simpsons and red dwarf.
Started reading Jurassic Park again. Today was ok, didnt play handball today. Had free Irish and art. Had geo in room 24. PE was very good I really like playing Hockey. Had a really nice dinner done all my homework. Saw blue peter neighbours and the simpsons.Played handball with myself had tea and bread saw friends and mrs merton francis rang.
Today was ok had cup of tea. went to school. Did some stupid drawing of a garden diber in woodwork. Hockey was class. Went to watch the badminton finals they were no good. Nearly finished the book in English. All we done in metal work was right. Had stew for dinner played handball with myself. Went to the village got sweets Saw half of ally mcbeal.
Today was ok. Went to school, have french test on friday.Science was no good, had to go to mass in history. Michael and stephen got in trouble for messing. Done pottery in art made face. Maths was good enough. Woodwork was good. Had sagpite bolinase for dinner. Done all my homework played handball with myself. It was class. Saw buffy the vampire slayer and 1/2 of er. taped goldeneye
Today was ok. Went to school. Double science was shite. Really shite. Was using the lade in metalwork.it was class. had geo in room 24 and woodwork in room 21. it was crap had pasta for dinner. Stephen and david were here so I couldnt play handball with myself. It rain. Done no homework. Saw red dwarf. it was good had bread for tea.
Just look at Wednesday the 10th
played handball with myself. It was class.
Not only was I playing handball with myself, but today's standard of handball was of a higher quality than normal. So high in fact, that I had to make a note of it in my diary (which I would have been writing several hours later) so I would never forget about it.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Popular music band "The Shins" have a new album out tomorrow. I'm not reviewing it or recommending it or any of that shite, there are enough cunts spouting their worthless opinions on the internet without me starting. I will say though, it's ages since they had anything out and they were my go to band in college when I was trying to impress girls. Any excuse to mention "The Shins" or get a lady to hear a "The Shins" song and I took it. It actually worked once too.
It was all like.....
"Yes ladies I do like sensitive quirky guitar based pop music. Oh you haven't heard of them? Yeah I know all about culture and stuff"
How could anyone resist?
Although as soon as they realised I just spent all my time reading music magazines so I could learn which bands nobody heard of played sensitive quirky guitar based pop music that emotional, average looking 19 year girls might be impressed by, they soon lost interested.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Ah remember old chocolate bars? Remember 1500bc when the Olmec Indians cultivated the first cocoa bean? Remember 900ce when the elite in Mayan society began to drink unsweetened cocoa?
Nostalgia is fun!
While we are at it, let's remember old t.v shows as well.
Remember 1897 when Karl Ferdinand Braun, a German physicist, invented the first cathode-ray tube? And 1907,when, Boris Rosing transmitted black-and-white silhouettes of simple shapes, using a mechanical mirror-drum apparatus as a camera and a cathode-ray tube as a receiver?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Cricket! YES CRICKET!
Its not very popular here but we have an up and coming international team! Neil Hannon wrote an album about it! It can be easily followed online and entire tournaments are covered on the radio!
I just need to learn the rules!
Follow me on my amazing journey into the world of cricket!
Check what teletext page it's on.
BBC 1 page 340!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
It's with this in mind that I have decided to make the leap into web 2.0 and set up the first wallofblog social network.
So open up your myspace accounts and add
It's cooler than a billion dollars.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
I am not afraid of work. It's just hard work I don't like.
Anyway, Look at this. I am actually going.
Not for a few weeks though.
Shouldn't have cancelled my netflicks.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
I reckon in another two years #wob will be a large multimedia company, covering comedy, creative writing, music and art or it won't be.
Exciting isn't it?
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I then realised that there was no point working on my own songs in Garageband because I can't use it well enough, and anyway, the charts are full of people shouting nonsense over drums, so I decided to give that a go instead. I cant really use garageband and I dont know anything about music but this is the result.
It's called "Ridin' shotgun (cock n'balls) ohhh"
Click the title for wob soundcloud
Ridin' shot gun (cock n'balls) ohhh
There we go. Pretty hot shit. I've got a hit on my hands.
Rihanna, give me a call, we can work together. I promise I won't try and have sex with you.(I will)
Friday, March 2, 2012
What’s The Boss got to do with anything?? Let me explain. Since Bruce’s creative and critical rebirth in the early 2000s, every studio album of original material he has released has controlled my life. Put simply, when Bruce releases a cool album, things are good. But when he doesn't, they aren’t.
Let’s start in 2002.
Bruce and the band released their 12th album, The Rising. This is, without a shadow of a doubt, a cool album. Emerging from the horror of 9/11 (much like myself at the time....That’s a tasteless joke. I didn't realise the horror of the event at the time. My diary entry for that day has two words... "Got skittles") Bruce has a fire in his belly and these songs are, for me, a rallying cry. Bruce tells us the way to deal with the bad stuff is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and enjoy the good stuff. "It's alright, it's alright, it's alright yeah" Bruce sings on the opening track, and everything was. 2002 was great. Minority report was in the cinema, my cousin gave me a play station, I had good friends, the office was on telly, the Rock fought Hulk Hogan at wrestlemania, Ireland were in the world cup, I was happy in the belief that oasis were the best band in the world and I was brilliant at Tony hawk pro skater.
Next, as the war in Iraq raged on into 2005, Bruce went for a largely solo and very angry album, Devils and Dust. I'm not saying this is a bad album. In fact, it’s a very good album. But it's not an album I rush to put on every day. It's a sad album; the songs are sketches of life’s losers. "I know what it's like to fail babe, with the whole world looking on" Bruce sings on "All the way home" and I sure knew it too. I had gone from student of the year, studying astrophysics in one of Irelands top university’s to, in 2005, an almost completely friendless, almost 17 stone minimum wage production line factory worker who spent so much time at the vending machine his fellow factory workers mocked him behind his back. Thanks Bruce.
Magic. Besides Born to Run, this is my favourite Bruce Springsteen album. Although it is obviously packed with great songs, it has as much to do with circumstances as with the music. Bruce himself says in the liner notes of 2003s The essential Bruce Springsteen "In any body of work there are obvious high points. The rest depends on who is doing the listening. Where you where, when it was, who you were with when a particular song or album cut the deepest" Everything was right in 2007. I lost most of the weight, grew long hair, was doing well in college, had great friends, a great place to live and drank lots and lots of Guinness. Magic was the soundtrack to this. Every morning, first thing, Radio nowhere was played loud. "Is there anybody alive out there?" Yes there was.
Credit also to 2006s Seeger sessions album and 2007s live in Dublin (although not studio albums of original material, they are great and no doubt played a part in this up swing)
This magic time lasted pretty much to the day his next album came out, January 2009's Working on a Dream. The morning it came out, I went to the shop to get it when I should have been proof reading an economics project that was also due that morning. Both ended up being very average. It has some good songs. It's not a bad album. It’s just not very memorable. That’s about as excited about it as I can get. Since then I've done some good things. It hasn’t been bad. I have had a roof over my head and food on the table. It’s just a bit forgettable and pointless. I finished college (letting my average drop a grade) lost touch with most people and spent all the time since then, bar one extended period, the high point (very much my Outlaw Pete)on the dole, or in pointless jobs.
To-day see’s the release of his latest album “Wrecking ball” so what does the future hold? Well taking on board the brilliant lead single “We take care of our own” the letter that arrived yesterday and the impression I’m getting from the my first listen (I have it on right now!) I’m pretty optimistic.
I was going to make a graph but I can’t be bothered. I have a microwave burger so I’m going to eat that.