Friday, June 17, 2011

I wrote this Inner Mongolian stand up routine. You wouldn’t get it.

So what is it with people walking in bike lanes??? Are they called walking lanes???!!! No.  So I’m like “ah wheres your bike” . Not to their faces.

Monday, June 6, 2011

This post starts out good but I don’t like the end. Writing in detail about sweets is lazy.

Who is the king of the nuts?  Nuts are big here. Huge. Every shop, every supermarket, heck (heck!?) even ever street corner has nuts for sale.  Its pretty simple for me.  The cashew is the nut king.  Servings of cashews in the west tend to be pathetic. A tiny bag with ten nuts for 3 or 4 euro.  Here, although not available loose, the prepacked bags are hefty. Very satisfying. Of course there is competition from the pastachio, but its his insistence of remaining in the shell that takes some points away. Way to much work.

Any small snack that you cant just open the packet and tip directly into the mouth are never going to earn regale status. M&Ms? great. Skittles. Tip the whole bag directly in there yes please. Opal fruits??? Individually wrapped!!!!. Chewits, I love you, but your wrapping is bringing me down.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Yes We Can

The soft drink cans here have the old style, incredibly satisfying opening mechanism where one lifts the ring and peels back a tear dropped shaped slither of aluminum rather than the more aggressive western style lift and puncture action that has been in use since I was a child.

Recalling the old ways reminded me of a time circa 93 when my cousin and I both had cans of cola (with the aforementioned opening mechanism, the only tie between these two antidotes) and decided to play a game. The game we settled on was pretending to watch Jurassic Park on video. Our imaginations couldn’t even stretch to watching it on a big screen, we wanted glamorous panned and scanned vhs.

My cousin is a soon to be married, soon to be home owning, education professional.

I went on to tape Jurassic park of the telly and create my own video box art.  I later purchased the dvd in a two desk set with its inferior sequel Jurassic Park:  The Lost World. Ten months later I purchased it again as part of the Jurassic Park: The ultimate collection 4 dvd box set set which included the first two movies and the fun if light weight third entre in the series, Jurassic Park 3 and a bonus forth disc of extra features exclusive to the box set. It is worth noting at this stage that I owned both sequels on vhs.

So whats next for me??

A quick scan of on-line retailer amazon shows no forthcoming release  of the movies on Blu-ray, but once they inevitable “drop” I will buy them. If only for the new and exclusive extra features.

In the mean time I’m going to pretend to watch the much talked about, never going to happen, Jurassic park 4. On vhs.

Thursday, June 2, 2011


Tried to explain fake tan to a Chinese girl today. She didn’t understand.  She could speak English.  But I can speak English and I don’t understand either.