"If a lion could speak, we could not understand him"- Wittgenstein 1913 . (PI, p.223)

The man who orders the stationary and office supplies at work is a fucking idiot.

He ordered a calculator for one of the girls this week, what follows is the exchange between them after it arrived.

Fucking Idiot: Your new calculators here....Shes a ten Reg

Girl: What????

Fucking Idiot: Your calculators here....Shes a ten Reg(grinning like the gormless idiot that he is)

Girl: (laughing nervously) OK......I don't know what you mean

Fucking Idiot: Your calculators here....Shes a ten Reg

Girl : Okay....thanks

Fucking Idiot: Shes a ten Reg alright, top of the line!!!2010!!!!

(Girl long gone out of the room)

Fucking Idiot: A ten Reg!!

The Creative Process

Ideas which I have had today that for a second I thought I might be able to write a piece about.

luckily I came to my senses because they are all fucking rubbish and make me sick in my mouth a little.

1) About how I don't trust people with 085 or 083 numbers as they are fickle etc etc


I actually wouldn't be surprise if, in the future, I saw some Irish comedian, recognisable from the panel, doing a similar routine


2) A social netting working service called "bitter" for people with no friends!!

poor poor parody.

Could see it popping up in a celebrity impressions thing on channel four, someone dressed up as Peter Andre logging on to "bitter" (oh god, there's the mouth sick)

3) How annoyed I get when people hilariously say "What happens if you google "google"? Does like the Internet break or something"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" No. You get a fucking link to fucking google. Cunt.

But that observation is as weak as the observation I'm getting annoyed over.

Just had a packet of jelly tots. They were nice

Short Fat Bald Paedophile

SpecSaver's range of designer male glasses are all assigned peoples names. The above glass are called "Andy"

The above glass would only ever be worn by a short fat bald paedophile. Look at them!

I'm nearly there though. Need glasses, short, fat, balding.............oh no!!! It's like Minority Report!! These glasses have shown me my future!! The more I struggle to prevent it, the more likely it is to happen.

POLABLOGGING

POLABLOGGING

I can’t take it any longer. After another sleepless night pondering my future and the economy I have come to realise that my only hope is to re-launch this blog as a scathing critic of the current Fianna Fáil government and the Brian Cowen regime. If there is one thing this country needs it’s another person with half baked, ill conceived, uniformed views on the current economic climate. That person is me.

FAQS FAQS FAQS

What makes this blog different?

1) My razor sharp wit. Eg I will only refer to the The Fianna Fáil party as The Fianna Fail party BAAZING
2) Abbreviations Eg The current economic climate will be the cec
3) A love of foreigners. No fucking way am I cleaning toilets, let them all in.
4) It’s called Polablogging. I’ve invented my own verb!

How often will the blog be updated?

Every day until we get Brian COWman out of power

Will if feature satirical cartoons like the ones in the Irish times I don’t really understand?

Yes

What are my own political views?

I am young, fit,healthy and have loads of everything and no worries. I enjoy the latest technology, new clothes and fine foods. I am a massive consumer of retail goods from large corporations. I love Coke, Google and Microsoft and give little or nothing to people less well of than me, so obviously I’m a socialist.

Is this new style of blog just a poor attempt to satirise satire?

Yes

Why am I so angry?

I asked a man for directions today. He told me to go 3 miles and then go another 3 miles. Could have just said 6.

If I lost the ability to convey emotions in text form I would now insert an emoticon (what a fucking shite word) of a face going red looking angry and exploding. I may also include steam coming out of the "ears"

Luckily I can express myself through text.

What a fucking idiot. I feel like my face is going red, looking angry and exploding. I also feel as if steam is coming out of my hairs.

But just in case that's not clear enough....look at the kitten.

Makin shit up

Where there is livestock, there is deadstock, isn't that what they say?

Well no they don't.

Dead stock applies in retail to products that can no longer be sold or to the stock market when shares are worthless. Not to dead farm animals. Dead farm animals are dead livestock. Not "deadstock".

Cock.

Iron Man 2!

It's ok

New bloggins!

I have relaunched the blog as a witty movie blog!! You're in for a treat! First review or witty movie thing to follow soon!

Mary Harney

Went to give blood this evening. At a blood a bank. Yeah yeah I'm great, fair play to me, praise lavished upon me etc etc, not why I do it, but thanks. At the blood bank, whilst on the table being drained (don't know if thats the right term for it) I noticed why the HSE are in the state its in. You see, after you get tagged and bagged you sit around a table, drink coke and eat crisps and chocolate (thats why I do it)But while lying there looking at the table of sweets I was shocked and disgusted to see the table being taken up by small children!!!Drinking the coke and eating the sweets!! The parents come in to give blood and let their kids run wild like they are at a birthday party!!! They don't even give blood!!! Worst of all, a nurse has to pour the drinks and make sure the sweets keep coming! Years of training and valuable skills wasted because little harry wants a flake!!! Kids! Sit in the fucking car!! Hands off my sweets!!!

I only manged to get my hands on two flakes, a moro and a crunchie! (fun size, obviously)

The parents should either leave their off spring in the car or pay for the goods that are consumed!!!! I shall be notifying my local politician come election time (which can't come soon enough, aye politics fans??? oooooh politicians aye? Can't trust them!! Bankers!!)

Tuesday 25th March cont.....

Some more poetry. Try it yourself.

100 cement

Meaning: perfect, as good as can be, brilliant.


"Well lad ,thats perfect, 100 cement, sound,"

What a fucking idiot.

The Monster is Loose.

I will be writing a review of the new Meat loaf album "Hang Cool Teddy Bear" later on in the week. Don't worry, it will be the only time I will ever offer my tiny opinion on any piece of culture. (Although if it goes well I may do a full Meat Loaf retrospective)

Is their anything more annoying than people who think they know about films, music, books etc, forcing their opinion on you?

"What do mean you haven't seen Raging Bull? It's a classic,you have to see"

So I did.

It's fucking boring.

Ash

Volcano erupted. Flights cancelled. Thousands grounded. Thousands stranded. Costs to airlines and business' millions of pounds. Timely reminder from mother nature of mans place on the planet and ultimately no matter how advanced our technology that we are essentially at the mercy of the uncontrollable natural events that over billions of years have shaped our planet, universe and solar system and that we are inconsequential in the over all scheme of the vastness of space? Nope, it was a coincidence.

Social Commentary?

Just checking the news today, I love the news always checking the news, newspapers news on line news on 6, I’m a news hound. The main head line today involved the successful separation of Irish conjoined twins. Hooray!! Great news. My heart is toasty….but in the statement realised by the understandable overjoyed and relived parents, the first “person” they thank is…can you guess…yes that’s right…. god! god!!! Do you think that maybe, just maybe the doctors and surgeons might be a tiny bit annoyed? Just a little bit? A pretty much lifetimes worth of study, dedication, practice and hard work and the parents thank god??! In the broader picture, centuries of medical science and ground breaking work by brave scientists to get surgery to a place where two conjoined twins can be separated successfully and the parents thank a pretend man in the sky!! I can’t imagine he had much of a hand in it really. Although I do think Darth vader caused the current banking crises….and superman is responsible for Barack Obama’s presidency…….and September 11th is Bono’s fault.

Good news about the babies though. Well done Doctors.

OMG!!! Nw luk walo'blg!!!

alrit blg fns! wats d crc????!!!?!?! me blg ws squre so I cool'in it up. frm nw on it gona be dedly crc n dat. gona hv al d latst gos n cl pics it gona b wiked. i d bst blg on d hol net :) alrit gota go c me m8s 4 crc nw so chec l8r 4 al d crc n pics o me n me m8s doin cl tings n dat, giz al ur fedbc on d nw blg n d buzz n dat n rembr no sqrs on me blg! lol!


b me frd @ www.bebo.com/waloblg plz n jon d facbk grp "I Don't usually read blogs, but I recently discovered Andrew Smith's Wall of blog and I thought that post with the picture of the dog and the Jaws quote was good so now I check it most days now. It's not as good as it used to be though. I also eat three meals a day, sleep at night time and breathe air. OMG We have like so much in common!" plz if i gt 58008 fns b4 d reckinin i wil b lk so ap e!

metapostmodern

Social situation!

How awkward I am!

What a person said!

Pick apart a mannerism or turn of phrase!

Dissection of this!

Pathetically pick apart their character.

Do these things to unsuccessfully mask how uncomfortable and inept I am.

Seemingly self deprecate but do this to show how self aware I am and therefore
superior!

Don’t actually realise that self deprivation and acknowledgement of
flaws is not an excuses for said flaws.

What I said!

But what I actually thought!

Complete opposites!

Be witty and focus on the seemingly banal aspects of things.

Over analise the trivial!

Reference obscure pop culture!

Include an in joke!

Address the reader!

Undermine the post with a seemingly sudden change of character and breaking of the fourth wall.

Be afraid to show a strong opinion on anything in case people don't like me!

A poem

"Some day" he said,
as the snow fell down
I sat there thinking
this mans a clown

So very young
But talks so old
loves to complain about the cold

Snow in March!
so very queer
It doesn't happen every year

"In like a lamb but out like a lion"
that kind of sayin'
I'm just not buyin'

but "they" say it
is what I'm told
really??
At twenty five years old?

People who just copy what their parents say
don't deserve the time of day



Sorry for just making some words rhyme like a small child would do. It won't happen again.

Any Plans?

Second on the list of conversation starters in Ireland (second to the weather of course) is the "Weekend" The Weekend! the Weekend!! The weekend is a magical period of time, two days in which people do stuff. The Weekend, Saturday and Sunday .You make plans for it,telling people about these plans, you carry out these plans, you then tell people (who ask, or who don't)how this went in relation to the planning stage. Now I don't mind my friends telling me about stuff they do, weekend or otherwise, and, will also tell people about what I did (if I think they will find it even remotely interesting) But talking about it for sake of having something to talk about, just to fill some beautiful silence, is something I'm learning and have to get used to. So you have exaushterd the weather, (there giving snow for the weekend) there is silence, you don't know the people well enough to pull a topic out of the air at random (Best biscuit, opinion on peas, were you watching the wonders of the universe on bbc 2 last night) so it falls to "Do any thing exciting at the weekend" For me, this is always a resounding no. in my head. I know I did not do anything exciting, Whatever I did, I enjoyed it. I watched dvds, played computer games and went on the Internet. But it wasn't exciting for me. or you. BUT I must always always always always justify myself to the other person.I can't ever come out and say "Yeah so what? I'm boring" I have to set up some conditions. So I'm asked " go at anything exciting for the weekend?" I say no, but I also say, "not this weekend" Not this weekend! This implies I do exciting things some weekends and may do something exciting next weekend(I wont) and then we banter about how you have to put the feet up some weekends(all weekends) and it's grand to have a quiet one from time to time(all the time)Once the pleasantries of checking out my weekend are done and I have justified my existence to the other person, it is good social practice to say "What about yourself" . I only figured this out recently and it pains me to ask it. It hurts. I don't care about your weekend. Couldn't give a shite. blah blah blah blah blah. "Wow what an exciting life you lead" "the pub is it" "you'll probably have a few drinks there you will. In the pub. where you are going. at the weekend" of course this only applies to those placeholder/fill the silence with people I don't like conversation.

Once the previous weekend is done and dusted, once Tuesdays comes the "Any plans for the weekend" conversations can start

"Any plans for the weekend?"

"No not this weekend"

"Ah its good to have a quiet one from time to time"

"you need to put the feet up"