Friday, November 5, 2010
Brave New World
Outrage hit fever pitch up and down the country this as people took to the streets to protest the further government cuts. In reports leaked to the media it was revealed that the government plans to cut the level of craic in rural Ireland.
Reports said those who have the most craic will be hit the hardest.
It was initially planned to cut craic twenty percent across the board but this has been revised. Members of GAA clubs are going to be hit particularly hard, as research has shown they have 72% more criac than the average man.
Other measure include anyone who already owns a Bon Jovi compilation may not purchase their latest hits collection, although provision maybe made for anyone’s who's collection extends only to there post 2000 work.
Farmers have now been restricted to 3 clichés a day when conversing with other farmers. It has been estimated in the past that this figure could have been as high as 40 a day. Local farmer Timmy “Spuds” Boyle was reported to have said " there's something there not telling us, there in it for the money sure I suppose at the end of the day aren't we all but I've always said as long as you have your health sure what else would you want. Greed. Pure greed. It's the lads at the top have all the money, sure as long as you have a few bob for a loc' a pints at the weekend what else do you want do you get what I’m trying to say"
Comedy fans are also feeling the squeeze as gift grub are now only allowed 3 terrible impressions a week, and the Jose Mourinho character has been pulled altogether “it's been 4 years”, a spokesperson said “and it wasn't funny to begin with” Cunt. The Management of the o2 in Dublin have also been instructed, that when Peter Kay tours next year, he must remember 29% less things from his childhood.
In welcome news, Jedward are to be halved.