You wouldn't steal a handbag??????

Not many western movies are released here, and when they are, its mainly Titanic. They love that movie. I was having a discussion with one of older classes the other day about western culture and at one stage I got two male students to act out the I'm flying bit.

It's difficult seeing movies. Two cinemas show them, but one dubs them and the other subtitles. And they change this around every couple of months it seems. I want to see the avengers but I'm sure if it will be released here. Sure, Titanic is fine, the folly of the west sinks due to arrogance and incompetence. Let all the Chinese people see that. But a team of American super beings, fighting for America, saving the whole world??? It's hard to know.

So I pulled a clogher markets circa 95 on it and downloaded a "cam"

A cam is when someone brings a digital recording device into the cinema and films the film.

For all the advances in digital recording, it still looks like it was filmed on hi 8.

It was still watchable though.

I have to stop besting the Chinese government. They hate that

This.

1st of May 2012

I woke up and I was hungover and then I went on the internet and then I went to the toilet I got sick all over the toilet because I ate too much food last night. I slept for another while and then I went to the shop for pepsi and coffee. I downloaded the ricky gervais show and watched it and then I heated up a kfc burger I bought last night and it was really nice. At two o'clock I had a nap until 6 o'clock. I watched dr house and mad men and game of thrones. Then I went to sleep.

Foodage

Best restaurant in the city. If you come here, this is where we will eat. They also just let you sit and drink if you don't want food.

There was spuds, noodles (flat noodles, nice noodles, not stringy)and chicken in this. This was shared. Everyone eats from the same dish. There were three of us. This was just before we got mantou (Spicy bread) and mopped up the sauce. Fucking deadly.

This is cucumber. I think it's a Chinese thing.

I love these little cunts. Had eight of them. You have to rip them open, pull out the little worm and chew on the husky shell and then spit them out. On the street. This was about two in the morning. It's fairly warm here now so the restaurants have just started to put tables outside. It's great.

Labour Day

I found out why I had the day off work on Saturday. It's labour day on the first of May. It is a day when the Chinese government thanks everybody who has a job and contributes to society. There is like a speech or something and most people get the day off. People also go to nursing homes and stuff and visit people who are dying and have no family of their own.

There are loads of days like this. There is Womens day, Army Day, Children's Day, Teachers Day, National day and loads others. Someone makes a speech and thanks people. I think they are basically themed bank holidays. Although you don't always get the day off. It's more like Fathers day and Mothers day only with government intervention.

That's 21st century communism in action

One thirdedly review

Nearly one third of the way through wallofblog blogaday 2012. I'm pretty sure this is the most effort I have ever put into anything in my life. I feel bad when I don't get the blog up on the day itself but I have a job now an after a hard days work I like to kick back and chill.

There is an american boy here who talks like that. He doesn't just sit and do nothing he "chills". He kept saying he had to "dip" and I had no idea what he meant for ages. Apparently it means to leave. When you are leaving somewhere say "I gotta dip" You will be cool.

It flew

Can you believe he is nearly a month gone already?? It flew now, it is just flying, sure you'll not find until he is back. A month. Already!! It. Flew. CAN'T. BELIEVE. IT.

Spicy

I ate stupidly spicy chicken wings last night. They were too hot. We had been out for food and beer and it was late and we were being kicked out of the place so our options were go to a night club or find someplace still open selling food and beer. We went for the second one. It was a dingy little hole of a place, reminded me of something you would see in granard. I've been sitting on the toilet most of the day. I don't know why we got them but once we did we all had to show off and eat loads. There was a fight in the place as well. It's just like granard.

The english in this post is very bad. I have just spent the last 2 hours teaching "Excuse me, That's ok, I'm sorry" to three different, but all very stupid classes.

May Bank Holiday weekend or something

It's some festival here this weekend, Dragon boat festival or tomb sweeping day or something. It means I have Saturday off work. It's a public holiday. It's strange here though because the government make you take the day off work for the Holiday but then they make you make that day up. I have to work Monday instead. That means I will be working three full days next week. I hope I'm able for it.

Party time

Twitter, Facebook, youtube, wordpress, blogspot. All banned here. Try to access them and you get a 404 page unavailable page. It's a good thing I suppose. If the Chinese people saw my lol cats there would be anarchy. I know the Chinese government is all powerful and never make mistakes(they don't), it was nice of them to allow the blogspot ipod app to work. It means I could write these blogs for free without having to pay a proxy, but what cunt types anything on an ipod???

Good call by the greatest government in the world, if you're going to let something slip through, make sure it is so shit it can't be used.

You. Me. Him.

We were out last night for a few beers. After a while, two Chinese men started to talk to us. This happens from time to time. Their English was ok. One of them started to tell us he was rich and that he owned a chain of noodle restaurants in New Zealand plus a construction company in China. He said he would spend a million dollars on a car, "its no problem" He took our numbers and told us he would pay for our food. Again this happens from time to time. Then he said he was bringing me and my friend away next weekend and he would pay for any prostitutes we wanted. "its no problem"

I work weekends. Shite.

Made up Joke

Thinking about Chuck Norris yesterday and how people pass them off as jokes, made me want to write my own joke.

Here we go

I haven't told it to anybody. Feel free to use it.

Enjoy.

A man was checking some stuff out of a library, as he was leaving he left some vegetables on the desk. The librarian said "Sir, What is this?" He replied "Oh its just a turnip for the books"

Well lad

Remember the on-line Chuck Norris random fact generator that was funny for about ten minutes around ten years ago??? Basically The Chuck Norris doesn't verb a noun, the noun uncharacteristically verbs to Chuck Norris' will or whatever??? Yeah, did you know youngsters quote them like they are jokes they invented. It's common to hear ten of them in a row here, back and fourth. One smiles and laughs politely but dies a little on the inside.

FREEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

It's funny how in a communist country where freedom is crushed at every turn, I have more freedom than ever. I drank 15 pints of beer the other day(A personal best,thank you, thank you). On a weekday. At 12 o'clock. I would never get away with that at home. Who are the real bad guys?????

I went for a medical yesterday and, as a white man, I got to skip the queue at every turn. Of course, because I'm a white man, all the people who I skipped ahead of came into the various exam rooms to have a look at the white man with his top off. Almost totally hairless and flabby. We are all like that. At home you couldn't go into an exam room when someone else is having a medical. The doctor examining me didn't care. Imagine, in Ireland, following a black man into an examine room and saying to the doctor "Just having a look, want to see the colour of his nipples" "That's grand man, come in" Wouldn't happen. But people here have the freedom to do it. They also litter, spit, hit their students(I don't) and smoke inside.

Seems okay to me. Don't know what all the commies are bad fuss is about.

MEDIBOT

I had my fourth medical today in just over 13 months. I'm pretty sure I'm ok. I was, the last three times. They love giving medicals here. I had the same medical in the mater private before xmas and it cost 350 euro. It costs about 30 here. But the one in the mater came with a special extra which meant I thought I was dying for a couple of hours to help me get my life in perspective and all that. It was very nice of them.

You see....

I was just arriving at Dublin airport early one Monday morning last November. I had had the medical a few days before and was about to get on a plane for New York City. Just as we pulled up to departures my phone rang. It was about half past seven. I never answer my phone usually so the combination of goodbyes and bags and all that meant there was no way I was going to answer it this morning. We got into the airport and before check in I thought I better check out my voice mail. And there it was. A somber and sincere voice, at half seven in the morning, saying "Hello Mr Smith, This is Dr. Reilly in the Mater Private. Could you give me a ring back as soon as possible thanks"

So I did. I rang and rang and rang. No answer. Why were they ringing me? Aids or cancer. That was it. Aids or cancer. I couldn't figure out where I got the aids. But I had it. And cancer. Aids and cancer. Should I check in??? I thought, I will go to New York, put the aids and cancer at the back of mind, and enjoy one last week, then try to explain to people at home it wasn't bad aids but some mix up with a hospital needle or something. I had been having a lot of medicals. I checked in and had some coffees. Rang them. No answer. Through security. Rang them. No answer. Through the weird american thing. No answer. It was too late now. I was bringing my aids and cancer to the U.S.A.

I rang through to reception and eventually got through to the reception in the medicals department. They told me the doctor was unavailable and I said "Look I'm getting on a flight to America in half an hour (it wasn't half an hour, it was an hour but I was dying, so I was allowed to be dramatic and tell lies)and would love to talk to her before I get on the flight"

Ten minutes later my phone rang. "Hello Mr. Smith, Dr. Reilly here, I forgot to include your height on the form, do you know what it is?

I told her.

"Thats great, bye, have a nice holiday"


I knew I didn't have aids. Why did she tell me I did??? What a fucking cunt.

Her

Remember the picture of the hot ride I posted yesterday???? The cunt died on me today about a mile from my house. It was fully charged, I don't know why she cut out. I had to peddle it back. Fuck me. It doesn't have gears. It was like that time when,years ago, my cousin and I cycled on reighley bikes to the village and cried at John Smiths on the way home because it was too hard. At least I had a bottle of lucozade that time.
Can't get her started now. Fuck her. The bitch.

The Ride

She needs a clean. Very sandy.

Water Cooler Talk

We can't drink the tape water in China because it's full of bad things. Every apartment has a water cooler.

When I was away someone switched mine because they couldn't be bothered to clean their own. Here is what I was left with.

There is a yellow liquid trapped in the top of it.

It is horrible. I have asked for a new one. You would be safer drinking the tap water.

Welcome to the working week

This is my working week.

Monday. Day off.
Tuesday. Day off.
Wednesday. Day off.
Thursday. Sit in the office. No teaching.
Friday. 18:00-19-30
Saturday. Full Day
Sunday. Full Day.

Not bad.

Music

There are a lot of young teachers here at the moment. What, you say I'm young?? Nah not really. Lots of 19,20,21 year olds. They are all on the same programme I came out on last year. It's a very strange experience spending time with them. They are able to drink 2, maybe 3, nights in a row and not want to kill themselves. There is not a hint of self doubt or deprecation about them. I suppose that's what happens when you come straight from school or college to this, on your parents dime, without facing the harsh realities or the real world. Anyway I'm rambling, what I really want to discuss is the music they listen to. What the fuck happened to bands? Or guitars? I don't think I'm that old fashioned when it comes to what I listen to, I even listen to a couple of lady singer/songwriters, and some hip hop but the youngsters must recreate a night club at every oppuntuity. It's just people shouting over noise. Ten o'clock break in the morning, someone will whip out there iPod and start the boom boom booms. Call round to someone during the day to drop of papers boom boom boom. Call over for a few drinks boom boom boom. I believe some of it is called "dub step" and it builds to a "sick drop"It all sounds the same!! I know I can be a bit nerdy, and I don't expect everyone to be listening to Leonard cohens excellent 1968 album "songs from a room" all the time, like I currently am, but at least some songs with words and guitars. When I was their age The Strokes and The White Stripes and Franz Ferdinand and The Libertines were doing great work and there was the Killers and Oasis and Snow Patrol and Coldplay for people who didn't know much, but that's all gone now. It's just loud shite. I can't figure out why they enjoy it. One boy says that it drains his energy when he is not listening to this type of music. Like a shit version of the movie crank. What a cunt.

This isn't just some "It was better in my day" type rant because, come on,it still is my day. Its just something I'm confused about. You would be also if you spent time with a group of 20 year olds.

I came up with this all on my own.

I set up wireless internet in my apartment today. This made me very happy. I love wireless internet as I have a lot of wi-fi enabled devices and it affords me the chance to enjoy one of lifes simplest pleasures.......surfing the net whilst doing a poo.

I decided to come up with a snappy simple term to describe this....

Ready......

Doing an iPoo

iPooing

I may be a genius.