Results.

I got a few countdown results in.

I'm still the greatest.

One person sent me in an 18, I'm not sure why, its impressive sure, but it's still less than my 19.



I also got this list of impressive scores in. They are amazing BUT they are from a short game and, as such, not eligible.



A short game requires a quick burst of concentration, a long game is all about staying focused for a long period of time.

Let me put it this way, Usain Bolt can run 100 metres in 9.58 seconds but could he run a marathon in 9.58 seconds?

No. I doubt it.

**********LATE UPDATE**********
Just recieved this from the short game expert, They seem to have mastered the long game also. Check it out

BLOGDOWN

The presence of Nick from the apprentice and a sexy intelligent women, coupled with me being unemployed, has awakened an interest in daytime student favourite brainy game show countdown. I didn't watch much countdown when I was a student, deal or no deal was just taking off, so we were big Edmonds fans. We used to take it in turns to go to a late accounting lecture on a Monday so one of us could hang back and report on the end of the game. I don't watch deal or no deal any more because Noel and the contestants are a bit weird.



Anyway I discovered countdown for iPad, and I'm really really really good at it. I just had a game and had to share it. The app lets you play two letter rounds, two number rounds and a conundrum.

Round 1


FUCK YES. 7. LOOK AT THAT BITCH.

Round 2

I got very confused in the middle of this. I mixed up 100 with 10.

Round 3

Great? More like average.

Round 4

Impressive yes?

Round 5- Conundrum

Not a fucking clue


I don't even know what this word is.

FINAL SCORE


Over to you. Download countdown for your i device. It's only 79 cent. Play a full game. Send a picture of your top score to wallofblog@gmail.com. 19 is the score to beat.

The bitch is dead

My neighbours dog got crossed by a car the other day. Thank fuck. I hated the cunt. Every single time I passed the house, either running or walking, he tried to bite me.

He got me a couple of times as well.

EVIDENCE






I miss him now though. I'm like Batman without the Joker. Or James Bond with out any of the various bad guys that featured in the movie series. I miss the cold war.

BEHIND THE MAGIC

Welcome to the first part in a new feature here on wallofblog where I give you readers a peek behind the curtain at some of the internal workings at the site. It's like a dvd behind the scenes extra.



The second most popular search term that brings people to wall of blog is "Paedophile Glasses". Over 200 people have googled it since I wrote an amazing piece about different styles of frames back in 2010.

Who the fuck is googling "Paedophile Glasses" and why?

****SPORT****

I spent way too long playing myself at chess today.

When I was younger and I was playing sport against myself, I would always take on the persona's of two established players in the field. So when I was playing tennis against the wall it was Sampras Vs Henman. When I was kicking football against the wall, it was Shearer taking shots againsts Seaman.

The only exception to this was when I was playing handball against the wall, it was always me vs someone better, fitter and more popular than me at school. (I would always win of course)

But who was going to play chess today? I think it pretty obvious it had to be Bobby Fischer vs Boris Spassky. The 72 world chess championship final of course, not the stupid 92 rematch. I quickly settled into the mindset of the two players and had an extraordinary time playing the sport of kings ( I don't think it is the sport of kings. That's horse racing isn't it?. Why is that the sport of kings?*)

Check it out


The players take their positions



The action kicksoff. This match was sponsered by Gillette Deodorant. The best a man can get


Now that's some classic chess


CHECKMATE! The white team take it! Spassky wins!!! What a turn up!!!

I took way more photos than this but I cant work out the order. I should have taken notes so I could have described the play by play. I'll know for the next match. First to 12.

Spassky 1 Fischer 0

*I just checked and it's actually POLO that's the sport of kings. It is a horse based sport. That's like a question that would be on Q.I, with horse racing being the answer that sets off the claxon. I'm not sure if claxon starts with a c or a k. The spell checker says K but my online dictionary says c.

"colon open parenthesis cats"

After the success and the implications of my lolcat on Tuesday, I've decided to create my own Internet meme. They are called ":( cats"

They're basically lolcatz that address series issues instead of pop culture fluff.

They are pretty powerful and may leave you emotionally fragile, so be careful.

Beard month.

As per the post on January 11th, it's officially beard month here on wall of blog.

The January daily shave and trim regime has been successful, and so the growth period begins.

I have a lot riding on this beard. At least when the hair on my head goes, it can be balanced with the facial hair. If I can't grow hair on my face, I'll look like a precog.

Thats the second minority report reference on this blog.

********INTERESTING FACT************

Minority report was the first ever DVD I bought, along with jaws and pulp fiction.

LOLCAT

In Praise of...Part two.

I like strawberry flavoured milk. Not like yogurt drinks, but pink milk like you see in American high schools on telly. It's hard to find in rural Ireland though. It's so rare I could only find this tiny tiny picture.

I'd love it if we beat them"

Newcastle Utd won the Premier league yesterday afternoon, ending their season with a 3-0 win over Blackburn Rovers. The result mattered little on the day though, as Newcastle had it in the bag with 4 games to spare. "I'm delighted for the players and the fans" manager Andrew Smith said yesterday. "And I'd like to thank everyone who has been with me since the super soccer days" he added. "A special thanks to all at EA for making a truly wonderful football game" A source close to Smith said "Although mathematically it was in the bag for Smith, a last minute goal that put his side 2-1 up against Chelsea in the third last game of the season, caused him to drop to his knees on the sitting room floor and pump not one, but two fists in the air, hardly befitting of someone doing his best in 2012 to act as functioning and mature adult"




How it finished


The players have some fun after the match



The players salute their fans


Unbelievably this is the first premier league win for Smith in his 15+ year career. (not on easy difficulty)
Smith started in the mid nineties, taking over many international squads on super soccer, although he met with limited success there. His teams had the strange habit of, if they went more than two goals down, soring own goal after own goal as if to say to the other team, "I could beat you if I tried but I just don't want to." He moved on to international super star soccer deluxe and was destined for great things but the game disappeared. No one knows who has it. He moved on to fifa 98 but this time,when losing,instead of scoring own goals, his teams would get so many players sent off that the match would simply have to be abandoned. His greatest success came on international super star soccer 98 where he won the world cup with Scotland. On medium difficulty. After a few years in the wilderness with only the dreadful fifa 2001 to play, he returned with a vengeance in 2004 with Pro evolution soccer 4. Alas success was limited and, although he could beat his friends in college with relative ease, the search for silverware with the toon went unrewarded. Soon after that he took a self imposed exile from the game when he grew his hair long, lost weight and talked to girls. This all changed though in the summer of 09 when he picked up the acclaimed fifa 09 for only ten euro. Although initially excited with the changes and impressed by the game engine, he spent most of his time hovering above the relegation zone. Things changed though,for the better this time,in November 2011 when he picked up fifa 2011 and, after a very poor first season, things clicked in his second and he destroyed the competition in the premier league. "This is my greatest achievement in sport since I won the table tennis championship on the wii in March 2010" Smith said.


When asked what the future held for him with regards to fifa 11, and maybe upgrading to fifa 12 he said "fifa 12 is a real possibility, although it's still a relatively new release and as such, I cant afford it at the minute" He pondered the question some more before adding "Circumstances may force me away from the xbox fairly soon so maybe PES 11 for the 3ds is the way to go. Either way I'm just going to enjoy this victory and not give it too much thought for the time being.

CHINA WEEK DAY 5! THE WIRE

I was once in the market flicking through the pirate dvds, I had gone through the pile and there was nothing that caught my fancy. Pirated DVDs generally consisted of 4 or 5 series of American shows, ripped of the t.v and compressed on to a few discs. With Chinese subtitles. There was always a great selection.

On this particular day, I had gone through the stack of dvds and the stall owner stopped and pick one up and said "Very good, Very good" It was of course, The Wire.

I think this is proof, if ever it was needed, that The Wire IS the greatest television programme ever. Sure, its fine for western media to hype it to the point where people think they are cool for not having seen The Wire (you are wrong by the way, you aren't too cool for school, you are a philistine) but for poor market stall owners in Inner Mongolia to start hyping it is another thing all together.

There also is a possibility that he picked one up at random and, desperate to make a sale, turned to the hard sell......

CHINA WEEK DAY 4!

ACCOMMODATION



A Yurt



Inside a Yurt



Chairman Mao's dead body lives here.



The Summer Palace in Beijing. The Emperor used to escape here when it got too hot in the city during the summer. Poor dear.



The view from my apartment in Inner Mongolia. This is a university campus. Note the drab commie style architecture.

CHINA WEEK DAY 3!

Once I had a lesson with an older class, 15 and 16 years olds, and my brief was just to discuss movies. I wondered what could we discuss? Would they be familiar with the same movies I was familiar with? I decided to check with a chinese lady to see what movies she knew. She mentioned two movies straight away, her favorite american movies. They were, epic love story of a handsome tramp and a buxom English rose trapped in stuffy english society on board the doomed ocean liner the Titanic, Titanic (1997, James Cameron)



and this.


I have no idea what this is*

Anyway, I figured this class was going to be a long 40 minutes. To kick it off I started to list the highest grossing movies of all time. I thought that they will have heard of most of these and the banter would begin.

AVATAR. Silence. No one had heard of it. (lucky them, am I right????? Thats 4 hours I wont get back, it's just dances with smurfs!!!!**)

TITANIC

Yep. Small banter. Girls loved it. So romantic.

THE DARK KNIGHT

Never heard of it!

STAR WARS

Never heard of it! (Wish I never heard of the prequels, am I right***)

JURASSIC PARK

Never heard of it.

JAWS.

Never heard of it.


So movies that are popular here aren't necessarily popular in China. ISN'T THAT AMAZING

Except, Pirates of the Caribbean. Fuck sake. Transformers. Fucking hell. And Harry Potter. The cunt.

*I have decided to download and review this. Expect it sometime next week. Or never.

**Satire.

***More Satire

China Week Part 2!

Look at this lad. He lived inside the gardens of the Forbidden City in Beijing.



Look at this lad. Half turtle half dragon?

THE END

Happy New Year

The year of the Dragon. Lets hope these guys don't get on the case!

As it's Chinese New Year and beginning of Spring festival, this will be China week on wallofblog. I lived there for a while last year. And I'm going going back soon. Each day I will publish an interesting (it's relative) anecdote or picture relating to my time there. I hate to keep going on about it, but I'm quicky running out of material (now that I do a post a day) and lets face it, it's all I've got really.

PART ONE:

MUSIC

The city I work in, Hohhot in Inner Mongolia, is pretty remote. It feels remote, the only foreigners in the city are other english techers. Its not a tourist destination, people pass through it, rather than visit it....and yet very morning before the local shopping centre would open, Irish grown fairy women songstress Enya's 1995 No.7 hit, "Anywhere is" would be blasted out over the centres' P.A system.


Enya unites all cultures.

Westlife and Boyzone are also popular and the Saturdays and Avril lavigne are often heard on the radio in taxis. Additionally, there was a cafe/restaurant that I used to pass on the way to and from work in the evening that played Mariah Carey's 1994 No.6 hit (and holiday standard) All I want for Christmas is you, on a constant loop, out into the street. In July. That is true.

This is an interesting feature isn't it?

Amazing who you run into!!!!

Fuck SOPA and PIPA

From Wikipedia

Black is the color of objects that do not emit or reflect light in any part of the visible spectrum; they absorb all such frequencies of light. Although black is sometimes described as an "achromatic", or hueless, color, in practice it can be considered a color, as in expressions like "black cat" or "black paint"


I don't really know what they are, SOPA and PIPA, but I think I have defeated them with this post. Me and all my internet brothers went black. And SOPA and PIPA went away.

Racist.

Remembering Stuff! Part 2

He was bad, wasn't he?






.......Really running out of material.......

Thanks Apple. Taple

Isn't it amazing how Apple have managed to make their operating software even more unreliable than Windows with iOS 5. If I wanted something that crashes, freezes, is unresponsive and generally doesn't do what I want it to do I'd turn on my laptop.


Zing. That'll show 'em